My mind is in a full spin cycle.
Not a joke.
So many details and to-do lists, but no brain to help me.
My nerves are frazzled, and sometimes I almost can't breathe.
Then I pray.
Five minutes later, I'm praying it again.
This entire journey has been built on faith.
God has proven His sovereignty over and over.
We said yes, and then hoped for things that didn't always go as we thought.
But we have been confident in what God was doing all along.
It's been beautiful to discover some of the hidden miracles.
But, it's also been hard. It's hard to wait for those things.
It's hard to wait and know Sofi waits alone.
I almost didn't type that sentence.
Sofi has been alone, but that is not God's will.
God has changed that.
That's why we are here. That's why we have waited.
That's why my mind spins.
None of this makes sense.
No one should be alone.
Sofi, we are coming!
I pray - as I have for the last 3 1/2 years - that her heart would know love even before we bring it.
Sofi is ours, but first she is God's.
Drew is God's.
Kate is God's.
Luke is God's.
I have always prayed that God would somehow use me to love them. I need Him in every moment, because I'm just not capable.
I pour everything I have into my children, but it's really not enough.
Only He is enough.
I'm not enough for Drew, Kate, and Luke, and I'm certainly not for Sofi, but God fills in the gaps.
I constantly give my children to Him.
No guts.
This trip around the world.
The Paperwork.
$45,000.
A public blog.
These things do not come from me.
God always calls us to something bigger than we can handle.
For His Glory.
God's "glory" is not about awe and fame.
God's glory is about more people knowing Him.
My weakness means I need Him.
My weakness means I need others.
And He shows up through others.
The beauty of His glory is the changing of hearts.
God, being God, can do as He pleases,
but how much greater is the One who can change us and work through us.
How much more can He be proven good, than by the reality of people (with free will) choosing His direction and accomplishing His will.
God's plans have brought change in me.
Following God means you can expect sanctification/refinement.
And, you can't purify something without exposing the scum.
My scum surfaces.
Scum of anxiety and impatience.
The guilt of self-reliance.
This process has highlighted many flaws, and I have changed - and I need more change.
I've got NO GUTS on my own, y'all.
None.
I am private and quiet, but my soul wants to scream God's goodness.
I knew immediately that God wanted us to share this story and more.
I am so thankful!
I am thankful for God's presence, love, and provision.
He has spoken it and shown it to me in so many ways.
He has been writing the most beautiful story, and you are in it.
My family, my friends, my church.
God's glory has shown through you!
No guts here, but I do trust Him.
I desperately want Travel Approval next week, so I am praying big prayers.
We are all praying.
This story is ongoing.
I'm changed and changing, but I'm sure I won't have enough guts for our next steps either.
God will be glorified, because all good things come from Him.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12: 9-10
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,
whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. . .
Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father
of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1: 2-5; 16-17
