Today we had our home visit to update our Home Study. It's an awkward, but necessary process. They have to check your house and all sorts of random details about your life. Of course you prepare and clean to present the "best" of what your family has to offer, but it's not really the good stuff I wish they could see.
I wish they could see the floor covered in footprints from all the family tracking through. I wish they could see the dirty dishes still on the table because we opted to play outside. I wish they could see the flour cloud that fills the kitchen when the kids stir the cookie dough. I wish they could see the pillow pallet that covers the floor for movie night. Or a glimpse of the table covered in paint splotches and masterpieces. Or maybe the mountain of clothes that builds from the ongoing dress-up. I wish they could see two big kids surrounded in baby toys just to make their little brother happy.
I wish they could see the Daddy moments. The moment when Kevin plays his 1,456th game of over-the-door basketball. The time when he is curled up on the edge of a twin bed just to help a little one sleep. Especially when he sits in a circle of Barbies to play with his little lady. Or if they could see him stand ever so still as a crying baby finally drifts to sleep on his chest.
I wish they could see the empty spots, the places we long to fill with our little sister someday. The family pictures with a flower or a heart. The gifts and toys set aside just for her. The stocking hung in line waiting for an initial. The hopeful conversations when we dream of finally being together. The family prayers that call upon God's miracles for our little girl.
These are the things that really show we are a family. A clean house is nice, and we answered all the questions today, but I am thankful for the everyday mess - the real evidence of our love. I'm thankful for the hugs and giggles that come swiftly after a sibling fight. I'm thankful for the restless grunts and squirms from a baby who played too hard. I'm thankful for my sweet husband who is a constant calm in my whirlwind of worry. I wish that is what they could see.
