"... every promise coming true."

One year ago today.
We received the phone call about Sofi 9/9/16.

I was wearing our family's adoption shirt and spilling over with the most outrageous level of expectation.  There was no logical reason to expect a phone call for several months, but I could feel God preparing me.

I love remembering all of those moments.

"I walked and felt every promise coming true."
Here's the replay of what happened that day.

God's love is beyond comprehension.  He withholds nothing to show us His love and redeem our lives.  His miracles are right before us if we choose to walk with Him.

Love inside of family is a very deep, foundational part of God's plan and work in our lives.  We must commit fervently to our families and work to restore children into families. The very heart of God is focused on these things. I pray He continues to work in and through our family.

(So I wrote this on 9/9, but forgot to hit "publish" until 9/10. Ha! #reallife) 
 

I love to tell the story!

I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY!!!

I LOVE telling this story of God's Love.
God's love has redeemed and restored and flooded our lives in the most miraculous ways as Sofi came home to us.

I know most of you have heard these stories and memories, but today marks the beginning of a beautiful, and intense, time in our lives.
God's provision was so thorough that He literally gave me breath in some moments.

I will forever tell this story of God's love in the gift of Sofi.

Just like the hymn:
"I love to tell the story
of unseen things above,
of Jesus and His glory,
of Jesus and His love"

------
A year ago today, we were officially "logged-in" with China.
That was the last step we could complete in preparing for our adoption.
Then, we waited for a referral.
The reality was that we would likely wait another 6-12 months for a referral.

My spirit knew differently.

This expectant mother could feel the gap closing.
I knew my daughter was close.
I have never felt my faith revealed so physically before these weeks.

Every piece of me was overcome by an intensity that was so real.
I was waiting for that call to come at any moment.

A couple of weeks later  - this post - that includes a video.
I'm so thankful for the words I have saved and images I can go back to.
That video takes me right back to so many times and emotions.
Most of you are also familiar with some of these - fundraisers and family nights, rainbows and keepsakes.
Sofi has been real in our hearts and home since the very beginning.

Exactly one month after our "log-in" on 8/9/16 -
We received the call with the referral for our amazing daughter on
9/9/16.
(Here is the story of that day.)

We had "logged-in" JUST IN TIME for Sofi's referral,
and there are other details within the agency's process that confirm God's control in the matching of our family.

It's just so beautiful.

A year ago - it could have been another year -
but yesterday marked 8 months home.

I am overwhelmed as I think about how I felt a year ago.
Even after finding Sofi, the intensity built in a whole new way with the stress of the paperwork and wanting so desperately to get her home.

Even now, my emotions run really deep as we continue in these beginning phases,
but she is in my arms.

The depth of God's love has gripped me in a new way.

I love my God, and I will forever tell every story He writes.

"I love to tell the story
of unseen things above,
of Jesus and his glory,
of Jesus and his love"

Love and Faithfulness

A year ago today, the most amazing set of events was set in motion.
So many miracles were revealed and promises fulfilled in the months that followed.

I have been overwhelmed by the memories this week as we go through Vacation Bible School.
Last year, we were also in the middle of VBS, and we were trying to finalize the very last step in our paperwork for China.
I posted this on July 12, 2016 so we could pray over the paperwork:

 On the morning of July 13, 2016, the kids and I went to the post office to mail this important package.  We had completed all we could do in the process.  We mailed off those papers and completely trusted God to take over.
I can't even describe the expectant feeling that built and built -  exponentially - in the following days and weeks.  I could literally feel us getting closer to our daughter.  My spirit felt like it was outside of my skin.

We were in the car at the post office that day, and I texted Kevin to tell him we had mailed the package. Then, I happened to see a posting from our agency on my phone.  Sometimes the agency receives photos of children before they have the full file.  They share the photos with families, excited about soon matching them with a family.

That morning my heart stopped.
All of the shared pictures break my heart and stir emotions, but this precious face took my breath away.

I knew I was emotional and anxious, but this was more than an emotional response.
It was highly unlikely that we could receive a referral fast enough for this to be our daughter, but hope and faith transcend reason.
There she was:






















So, the story continued like the splitting of the Red Sea.
Miracle after miracle.  The path opening before us - straight to Sofi.
We received a phone call about Sofi only ONE MONTH after our paperwork was logged-in in China.
OUTRAGEOUS.
And the phone call was all about that beautiful girl I saved in my phone that day.
My tears ran like a faucet!


It's just more joy than I can stand to see Sofi dancing and singing at VBS this year.
My heart was so weary, but bursting with hope, a year ago.

I was able to give testimony to my VBS class on Tuesday.
The lesson was about Simeon and Anna. - Luke 2:21-38
Simeon and Anna had both devoted their lives to God and truly knew His voice.  God had promised both of them that they would see the Messiah.
When Mary and Joseph brought Jesus to the temple, they knew it was Him.
There was no sign, or glowing light, or angel pointing; they just knew.
God revealed to them that this baby was the promised Savior.

God continues to speak to us when we are listening - when our lives are devoted to listening.

I saw Sofi that day, and I knew.
I showed the kids the picture in my phone from a year before and said "She's right across the hall playing in that room.  And she is amazing."


















For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Psalm 57:10

The Color We Waited for. . .

So four years ago,
after starting the adoption process,
I helped Drew and Kate make a special art project for Kevin's
Father's Day present.
The project began that day - and finally we were able to complete it this weekend.

There is a story behind it all that you can read from this blog post:  Beyond Emotions.
It makes more sense if you read the backstory.

It really was a blessing to complete this for Kevin yesterday.
We like to make the art and pieces that go around our house, because they tell a story and remind us of a moment or a piece of a journey.  The unpainted pieces have been our story for a long time, but now God has fulfilled His promises with color to prove it.

This project began because of our Faith.  We were confident because of our Hope.  Love has been the reason and purpose.  Joy has truly been our strength.
Completion of this work solidifies it all and brings Glory to our God for His Truth.
Those four simple words have grown in me in special ways over the last four years. 
Kevin helps to establish them and live them for our children.

God has used each of our kids to teach us and bless us in the most amazing ways.  Their lives have given so much into ours.
These words are a representation of that.

I will forever be thankful that I share my life with Kevin and the outrageous blessing of our children.
May God continue to help us as parents and reveal His great Love to Drew, Kate, Sofi, and Luke!

Happy Father's Day to my Kevin!

He Still Holds Her

I just can't miss a night.
Every night I get the snuggles and kisses.  It changes over time - as they grow - but I love to tuck them in.
Lots of squeezes and snuggles for the babies as they fall asleep, then on to blowing kisses as I slip out the door for the big kids - at least as long as that lasts.

Right or wrong, I never let them fret in the night or "cry it out".  Touch and presence speak love, and I never wanted my love to be silent or absent.

That's what made Luke's week in NICU so excruciating.
I was supposed to hold him, snuggle him close, and hug away the fears of a big world.
Wrapped and swaddled tightly to your mom - that's how it should be.
So - there I lived in the NICU.
I would cup those chubby cheeks in my hand and pray over those little lungs.

------------

In February 2013, God led us to begin the adoption process.
We immediately began praying for the child God was bringing into our family.
We prayed very specific prayers.  We had no idea where she was or the circumstances of her life, but there were things we did know to pray.
We prayed for her health and care.
We prayed specifically for the people around her: the other children and her caregivers.
We prayed that God would bring people into her life to care for her and love her in a special way.
Although we didn't know anything about her story at that point, we know adoption begins with loss.
Tragedy
Abandonment
No parents
Alone
Orphan

Who would hold her?
What would happen in the transitions?
 
Life in an orphanage . . .

Who would swaddle?
Who would cup her cheeks?

I prayed for someone to hold her.
I prayed for God Himself to hold her.

I prayed God would provide special people and special care.
I prayed she would feel loved.

I prayed these things every day for those 3 1/2 years.
We prayed these things as a family every Sunday night.

-----------------------------------

November 28, 2016
Finally.
Finally our beautiful daughter was in our arms.
We held her.
We protected her.
So many answered prayers - more than we even knew.

As Sofi was given into our arms, we were given a note.
The note was a polite request for us to email an update on Sofi - if we didn't mind.
Even in the chaos of those moments, I was struck by the thought of that concern and desire.
Obviously I didn't mind.

After we came home and settled about a week, I sent an update with a few photos to the email address given.  I wasn't even exactly sure who the recipient was, but was thrilled to show how wonderful and healthy Sofi was.

A reply came.
The director of the care center where Sofi had lived replied, speaking some of the sweetest words about our Sofi.  She and her daughter had a special love for Sofi.  Sofi went to this care center almost immediately after going to the orphanage.  The director spoke of Sofi's smile, even as an infant.  She was tiny, weak, and malnourished - but had an unmistakable smile.  The director's daughter had especially loved Sofi. She said her daughter always went to Sofi when they visited the center and wanted her mom to adopt Sofi.
I can't even explain the depth of all this as I think on all those prayers.
Sofi was loved in special ways and special people came into her life - JUST AS I HAD PRAYED.

And it gets better -

I sent another update last week since we have now been home 6 months. (hooray for 6 months!)
The reply from the director included:
"One of our home's mission is to prepare the children to a family that God has planned for them. Praise God that He is truly a faithful God!"

Tears poured as I read these words.  Sofi was in CHRISTIAN care in China.
God is truly so faithful!
I can't explain the blessing of knowing how God was answering prayers and caring for Sofi in such amazing ways.
We have seen evidence of this love and God's presence in the way she has transitioned.
And, I was able to tell the director that she was an answer to prayer and thank her for loving and caring for Sofi - and so many others.  (Such an important and burdened job.)

It's really all beyond description, but I can't contain these miracles of God's love.
There are just so many examples in Sofi's story of God's love.  He has moved and worked in big and small ways. 

I know - without a doubt - that God called us at that time (9 months before she was born), because He wanted us to pray over Sofi from the beginning of her life.

And, I can assure you that the praying continues.
I still pray every day for Sofi (- and Drew - and Kate - and Luke.)
Even though she is in our arms now,
He still holds her.

She belongs to God.  All of my children are His.
We are thankful for them and thankful He has entrusted us with their care,
but we pray He holds them.
Always.

"For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him."  2 Chronicles 16:9

Never Want to Forget.

Home!  4 months today!
Sofi is amazing, and she continues to change and grow right before our eyes.
It's like watching a flower -
a bud for a time - then suddenly
- in a moment -
a flower appears.
All the beauty - that was always meant to be - springs out to show the world.

So thankful we get to be her world.

Truly the most spectacular part of joining together as a family is watching the kids make special connections.
Sofi adores her brothers and sister, and they love her.
I can't even put all the dynamics into words, but all parents know how cool it is to watch your children bond.
Adoption creates some special scenarios for bonding.  Many aspects of adoptive family relationships have to be made very intentionally, and you see the beauty and the stress of the choosing.

Sofi squeals for Drew and Kate like no other.  If they are returning home or entering the room, she gives the best squeal of delight.
She loves to follow Kate's dance moves and spend girly times with her.
She looks at Drew like he's a hero, and loves his "rescues".  

Sofi and Luke have the most special and natural buddy - twin - friendship. 
It's more perfect than I would have ever imagined possible.
They have their "moments", like any brother-sister pair, but their friendship and companionship are beyond words.
I love to watch them play together, and Luke has been a very special gift for Sofi in this transition.

Luke has a precious heart.
I never want to forget these days, and I NEVER want to forget his words and actions.

Sofi has had to very literally find her voice.
She has needed to develop her physical voice, and her personal "voice".
Since the first day we came home, Luke has made sure Sofi's voice was heard.
When Luke asks for something - anything - He says,
"Sofi wants one."
 No matter what he is asking for, he knows she also wants and should have whatever he is having.
Every time he asks for a snack, or a toy, or whatever, it's always followed by:
"And Sofi wants one."
Every. Time.
For 4 months now.
It never fails.

I love it.
I simply love it.

God calls us to love like that.
I want to love like that.

My children - all four of them - make my heart explode.
I am blessed and thankful to have them.
I don't take a bit of it for granted.

This time and journey have been hard, and it's still hard,
but I am fully aware and outrageously thankful for each and every miracle.

I never want to forget.

t

immeasurably more

I'm struggling.
It's a deep struggle.
It's a struggle I'm sure many of you understand. 
It's full of emotions and longings and callings and commissions.
And it grows.

I weep on the inside.  Sometimes on the outside.
My heart breaks for so many things.

Daily, I see profiles of "waiting children".  Orphans.
Children without a home, and "waiting" means the families are even harder to find.
I see friends with broken hearts.
I see brave children fighting big diseases.
I see images and hear stories of women working desperately to pull themselves out of poverty and away from abuse.
Just days ago, a community in Ethiopia suffered a cruel tragedy.  The people in Korah live at a landfill.  They live next to mountains of trash so they can spend their days searching through it.  There was a massive landslide of this dump that literally covered some of these homes. Many lives were lost.
I see little ones trying to learn math and sit in a desk with confused hearts and sleepy eyes.
I see how people walk through their days without a real hope, without knowing real life and love.

It's hard not to be overcome.
I know God does not intend for me to be overcome by it.

So, do I ignore it?

I mean it's too much.
I literally cannot bear it, when I really look.

So, do I look?
Of course, He has called us to look, to see. . . and to act.

How? and why does it matter?
How can it matter what I do? - I can't do much.
And what do I do?

I WANT TO DO SOMETHING!

This is my struggle.
And I keep taking it to my God.
He is big enough.
He can look and doesn't have to turn away.
Compassion requires extreme strength, but we often liken it to weakness.
My God sees with ultimate compassion, and He never looks away.

Hope.  Scripture is full of hope.

Ezekiel.
God gave Ezekiel some big messages for His people.
They had made a mess of things, and they were scattered all over.  Ezekiel gave them some heavy messages, but He also spoke some big hope.  Hope that is meant for us.

37 The Lord took hold of me, and I was carried away by the Spirit of the Lord to a valley filled with bones. ² He led me all around among the bones that covered the valley floor. They were scattered everywhere across the ground and were completely dried out. ³ Then he asked me, “Son of man, can these bones become living people again?”

“O Sovereign Lord,” I replied, “you alone know the answer to that.”
⁴ Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to these bones and say, ‘Dry bones, listen to the word of the Lord! ⁵ This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Look! I am going to put breath into you and make you live again! ⁶ I will put flesh and muscles on you and cover you with skin. I will put breath into you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”
⁷ So I spoke this message, just as he told me. Suddenly as I spoke, there was a rattling noise all across the valley. The bones of each body came together and attached themselves as complete skeletons. ⁸ Then as I watched, muscles and flesh formed over the bones. Then skin formed to cover their bodies, but they still had no breath in them.
⁹ Then he said to me, “Speak a prophetic message to the winds, son of man. Speak a prophetic message and say, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, O breath, from the four winds! Breathe into these dead bodies so they may live again.’”
¹⁰ So I spoke the message as he commanded me, and breath came into their bodies. They all came to life and stood up on their feet—a great army.
¹¹ Then he said to me, “Son of man, these bones represent the people of Israel. They are saying, ‘We have become old, dry bones—all hope is gone. Our nation is finished.’ ¹² Therefore, prophesy to them and say, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: O my people, I will open your graves of exile and cause you to rise again. Then I will bring you back to the land of Israel. ¹³ When this happens, O my people, you will know that I am the Lord. ¹⁴ I will put my Spirit in you, and you will live again and return home to your own land. Then you will know that I, the Lord, have spoken, and I have done what I said. Yes, the Lord has spoken!’”

Hope.
This might not have been the scripture you were thinking of, but wait. . .

The valley - No one wants to go to a dead valley.  The dry bones and all these images are kind of creepy, but
God took Ezekiel to the valley.
What a horrible image.  I'm sure Ezekiel was overcome by it.
Just death and emptiness.
God asks him if these bones could have life again.
Ezekiel responds acknowledging only God would know more than what lay in front of them.
Faith.  It extends beyond what you can see.
God gives Ezekiel a message for the bones, for the lost, for the dead.
He tells him to speak a message of hope.  He tells Ezekiel to tell them they will have life again.
So, Ezekiel speaks God's words.
Obedience.
That is the only thing Ezekiel brings to the story - Obedience.

The bones literally become bodies again before his eyes.
A miracle of God.
That's not the end though.
God restored the physical, but He was not done.
God is never done until the spiritual life is restored.

God gives Ezekiel another message.
Ezekiel is to call the very breath of life into the bodies.
Obedience.
God breathes life into every one.
The power is the Lord's. 

God restored life in this vision, and God restores and completes this hope in us today.
God chooses - in His love and wisdom - He chooses to use us.  
He tells us to speak.
God calls us to the valley, and He gives us the words.
We are not capable of restoring life, but when we go - God does.
When we are not too selfish - too scared - too busy, 
we go 
and God breathes life.


This "valley of dry bones" took me back to the "valley of the shadow of death".
I wrote on that in this post recently.
This valley is not just some difficult piece of your own life.
It's about others.
The valley is where the Good Shepherd is leading us.
To bring Life to others.

The 23rd Psalm holds wonderful hope and promises, but those promises are found in the valley.
That psalm speaks of us being led by our Shepherd.
"Though I walk (follow) through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil".
We are led to the valley because that is where our God is going.
Our God of love and compassion is going where the need is.  He is not in the distance.

If I am following, then the valley is also where I am going.


Ezekiel 37 - the valley of dry bones - is actually a vision depicting a message of hope God had just given Ezekiel.
Ezekiel 34 is about the need for a Good Shepherd, a Shepherd who would not fail.
This message of hope is paired with some reprimands that are really tough to swallow.
Seriously.  This is tough, but please read it.

Ezekiel 34

34 The word of the Lord came to me: ² “Son of man, prophesy against the shepherds of Israel; prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Woe to you shepherds of Israel who only take care of yourselves! Should not shepherds take care of the flock? ³ You eat the curds, clothe yourselves with the wool and slaughter the choice animals, but you do not take care of the flock. ⁴ You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. ⁵ So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. ⁶ My sheep wandered over all the mountains and on every high hill. They were scattered over the whole earth, and no one searched or looked for them.

⁷ “‘Therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: ⁸ As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, because my flock lacks a shepherd and so has been plundered and has become food for all the wild animals, and because my shepherds did not search for my flock but cared for themselves rather than for my flock, ⁹ therefore, you shepherds, hear the word of the Lord: ¹⁰ This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I am against the shepherds and will hold them accountable for my flock. I will remove them from tending the flock so that the shepherds can no longer feed themselves. I will rescue my flock from their mouths, and it will no longer be food for them.
¹¹ “‘For this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. ¹² As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. ¹³ I will bring them out from the nations and gather them from the countries, and I will bring them into their own land. I will pasture them on the mountains of Israel, in the ravines and in all the settlements in the land. ¹⁴ I will tend them in a good pasture, and the mountain heights of Israel will be their grazing land. There they will lie down in good grazing land, and there they will feed in a rich pasture on the mountains of Israel. ¹⁵ I myself will tend my sheep and have them lie down, declares the Sovereign Lord. ¹⁶ I will search for the lost and bring back the strays. I will bind up the injured and strengthen the weak, but the sleek and the strong I will destroy. I will shepherd the flock with justice.
¹⁷ “‘As for you, my flock, this is what the Sovereign Lord says: I will judge between one sheep and another, and between rams and goats. ¹⁸ Is it not enough for you to feed on the good pasture? Must you also trample the rest of your pasture with your feet? Is it not enough for you to drink clear water? Must you also muddy the rest with your feet? ¹⁹ Must my flock feed on what you have trampled and drink what you have muddied with your feet?
²⁰ “‘Therefore this is what the Sovereign Lord says to them: See, I myself will judge between the fat sheep and the lean sheep. ²¹ Because you shove with flank and shoulder, butting all the weak sheep with your horns until you have driven them away, ²² I will save my flock, and they will no longer be plundered. I will judge between one sheep and another. ²³ I will place over them one shepherd, my servant David, and he will tend them; he will tend them and be their shepherd. ²⁴ I the Lord will be their God, and my servant David will be prince among them. I the Lord have spoken.
²⁵ “‘I will make a covenant of peace with them and rid the land of savage beasts so that they may live in the wilderness and sleep in the forests in safety. ²⁶ I will make them and the places surrounding my hill a blessing. I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing. ²⁷ The trees will yield their fruit and the ground will yield its crops; the people will be secure in their land. They will know that I am the Lord, when I break the bars of their yoke and rescue them from the hands of those who enslaved them. ²⁸ They will no longer be plundered by the nations, nor will wild animals devour them. They will live in safety, and no one will make them afraid. ²⁹ I will provide for them a land renowned for its crops, and they will no longer be victims of famine in the land or bear the scorn of the nations. ³⁰ Then they will know that I, the Lord their God, am with them and that they, the Israelites, are my people, declares the Sovereign Lord. ³¹ You are my sheep, the sheep of my pasture, and I am your God, declares the Sovereign Lord.’”


God speaks to the leaders of Israel who have failed.
They have failed to care for God's people.
They have been selfish.

But, then God gives them the hope of the Good Shepherd.
Jesus would come, and He would care for the people.
Jesus would give and provide.
But the warning continues about the selfish way they had been living and His requirement for them to change.

Jesus has come.
He is our Good Shepherd.
If we are truly following Him, we are changed.
We become a part of His work and mission.
We have to go the valley.
We can't turn away.
We have to speak the words God gives us.
But our hope continues in that the power is His.
God will restore; it's not our work.
We are not capable; He is.

The promises in the 23rd Psalm are real.

¹ The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
²     He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
³     he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me
    in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
    my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
    all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
    forever.

Jesus has called us to follow Him.
To take up our cross and follow Him.
He has charged us with the Great Commission.
Jesus says our love for Him is shown when we "feed His sheep".
But He also says

Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.” 

Matt. 11:28-30

We follow.  We join Him.
We are obedient.
But, somehow He carries the load.  He takes the burden.

It's all a great mystery and a great miracle,
but we don't see it and we don't experience it until we go
and speak the words we are given.

Miracles from ashes accomplish exactly what God intended :
Then you will know that I, the Lord, have spoken, and I have done what I said. Yes, the Lord has spoken!’   
Ezekiel 37:14
Then they will know that I, the Lord their God, am with them and that they, the Israelites, are my people, declares the Sovereign Lord.   
Ezekiel 34:30

I have seen it.
I have seen it so many times through so many people.
There are so many around me, near and far, who are honoring God in serving others.


I have seen it in Sofi.
The miracles.  The new life.
God has restored life in her right before our eyes.
I heard Kevin speak words God gave him.
I am seeing God work miracles.

But, I wonder.
I wonder about times when I didn't go . . .
When I didn't look . .


I pray for my selfishness to be stripped away.
That's an ongoing, daily battle.
But, I want to see God restore life to the valley.

I want to go.
I want to see.
It's okay to weep, because I know the hope,
I know the God who will breathe life.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,  to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3: 20-21